I reactivated my online dating profile about ten days ago, and it feels so different this time. I used Match.com for a few weeks in 2011 immediately after the WNE moved out (stupid, stupid girl). I was in no way, shape, or form ready to be dating…but I was effing crazy! My therapist told me, “anyone who would date you right now is nothing more than a predator!”. Meet a predator online? Have you heard of such a thing?
Luckily, the Universe saved stupid girl from herself and placed me in the path of a nice widower from my old church before any real damage was done. We were both innocent and ignorant in a lot of ways. He showered me with love and affection, and I clung to him through my separation and for the first few months after my divorce was final. He was life-saving and healing and really tough to walk away from.
Last July, I was single (really single) for the first time in 28 years. I started dating again, and had a high old time….for about six weeks. I was having blast, going on lots of dates, kissing cowboys in parking lots, and what-have-you (actually, there was no “what-have-you”, it was just kissing). Perhaps I was dating a little defensively, my selection criteria consisted of:
1. No Risk of Getting Hurt.
That’s it. I kept my panties on, and my calendar full of guys whom I had absolutely no possibility of ever falling for.
And then I met the BMD and went all in. Head over heels. I knew almost immediately that he didn’t have the same “crush” on me, but I didn’t care. I was courageous, if I do say so myself. And I’m not one bit sorry.
We had a lovely affair, an even better breakup, and best of all, got a genuine friendship (and a WordPress consultant) out of the deal.
So now I’m dating again, with a completely different mindset. I’m not particularly interested in “going steady”, much less re-marrying at this point. I would like to go at least five minutes before I get into another relationship! I’m dating a wider variety of men (older and younger), because I’ve let go of all my preconceived notions. I ask myself, “is he cute? interesting? funny? smart?”…and if it’s “yes”,
Vamanos!
